From: ac@email.com
To: me@email.com
Subject: Re: Lurking online
The dog and I had the MOST glorious walk around town lake yesterday morning. Everyone and their brother and their dog were out on the trail yesterday taking advantage of our first week of fall. And, boy, it was a people watcher's dream. It KILLS me when I see people exercising in jeans. Like, kills me. All I can think of is how much that must be chafing. I passed several of those people yesterday, but the last one I was walking behind made me think of you. Let me explain before you think I'm telling you I see you exercising in Jordaches ...
I came upon this super cute indie guy who was walking his beagle. He and I were on the same pace so I was about 5 steps behind him for about 3/4 of a mile. The first thing I noticed was that he was wearing jeans, unfortunately. Second thing, that he was really cute. Third thing, that he had a great ass. I was trying not to stare at said ass (because it was RIGHT in front of me), when he takes off his shirt and throws it over his shoulder. Torso and arms are adorned with tattoos. So I start scanning his body trying to figure out what they all are, my gaze always sliding back to his ass. I had to purposefully focus on a spot in the woods while walking so that I wasn't so blatantly staring at him as other people passed us. I thought of you because this guy was right in your wheelhouse. :-)
How was your weekend? What did you do? Any staring at indie boy asses?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Fun with Drugs
From: gm@email.com
To: me@email.com
Subject: man
(You don't even need the sound on this one.)
I was amazed at how he bends backwards and can never reach the door.
I thought it was CGI, but it was LSD.
To: me@email.com
Subject: man
(You don't even need the sound on this one.)
I was amazed at how he bends backwards and can never reach the door.
I thought it was CGI, but it was LSD.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Lost in Translation
k: Can you tell that this was written by an enthusiastic Indian man? I can.
"Dining at the restaurant is an extremely delectable and a delightful experience which soothes and rejuvenates your senses in the most suave and unwinding environment. From Pizzas to Dimsums and Kebabs to the most exotic beverages, we carefully craft every meal to be a spectacle that lingers … longer!"
me: HA. I want to have a longer lingering spectacle with an Indian man.
k: I keep saying "extremely delectable" in an Indian accent in my mind.
me: On the radio this morning, some idiot girl called in and they were asking her about the guys she dates. They asked if she dates Indians and her answer was, "I haven't, but I'm a vegetarian, so I go out to lunch with Indian people a lot."
k: Oh my god. I hate humanity
me: Hahahahhaha.
k: Except for this guy who is telling me to "exploit the chefs."
me: What? Wait. Did you write that and you are calling yourself an Indian man?
k: No!
me: Hahahahha
k: How dare you! No, I got that copy from the general manager in India. I need to polish the terds and make them shine for American audiences.
me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
k: "Slip into the pool deck ..." Um ... NO.
me: This is your funnest freelance assignment yet!
k: I hope all my other assignments come from India. This is too rich.
me: I hope they do too. Then I hope you and Husband break up and you fly to India to meet the man who is sending you this rich copy.
k: "Giving new meaning to Peshawari ..." I would settle for any sort of meaning, new or old
me: The meaning of this at all? The meaning? Anyone?
k: HAHAHA. Oh, you know old Peshawari, that old sonofabitch.
"Dining at the restaurant is an extremely delectable and a delightful experience which soothes and rejuvenates your senses in the most suave and unwinding environment. From Pizzas to Dimsums and Kebabs to the most exotic beverages, we carefully craft every meal to be a spectacle that lingers … longer!"
me: HA. I want to have a longer lingering spectacle with an Indian man.
k: I keep saying "extremely delectable" in an Indian accent in my mind.
me: On the radio this morning, some idiot girl called in and they were asking her about the guys she dates. They asked if she dates Indians and her answer was, "I haven't, but I'm a vegetarian, so I go out to lunch with Indian people a lot."
k: Oh my god. I hate humanity
me: Hahahahhaha.
k: Except for this guy who is telling me to "exploit the chefs."
me: What? Wait. Did you write that and you are calling yourself an Indian man?
k: No!
me: Hahahahha
k: How dare you! No, I got that copy from the general manager in India. I need to polish the terds and make them shine for American audiences.
me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
k: "Slip into the pool deck ..." Um ... NO.
me: This is your funnest freelance assignment yet!
k: I hope all my other assignments come from India. This is too rich.
me: I hope they do too. Then I hope you and Husband break up and you fly to India to meet the man who is sending you this rich copy.
k: "Giving new meaning to Peshawari ..." I would settle for any sort of meaning, new or old
me: The meaning of this at all? The meaning? Anyone?
k: HAHAHA. Oh, you know old Peshawari, that old sonofabitch.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Please, Bare With Me
me: So I just googled to find out the correct use of "bear/bare with me." This is the WikiAnswer I found and I'm about to pee a little:
"Bear with me," is to ask for patience. "Bare with me" would be asking them to undress.
c: The next time I go to have sex ... which could be in years ... I am going to ask them to bare with me.
me: You've just sent me over the edge.
c: Well, if you ever receive a call late at night from me, and I don't say anything but then you hear me off in the distance say, "Will you please bare with me?" you will know that you are privy to me getting laid.
me: please. stop. I have my head down on my desk.
c: Hahaha. Let's be honest. It would be more of an incoherent, slurred, "Puhlalease ... buuurr wif meeee," cause I'd likely be on the verge of voming. Sober sex scares me ... and should be saved for marriage. Or at least after I snort a Xanax.
me: My coworker just caught me hunched over my drawer looking for an oil blotter and said, "Are you having a moment?" She handed me a piece of paper and I only realized I didn't have my glasses on (from crying) when I held the paper to my face like a legally blind person.
c: You say legally blind, I say adorably squinty.
"Bear with me," is to ask for patience. "Bare with me" would be asking them to undress.
c: The next time I go to have sex ... which could be in years ... I am going to ask them to bare with me.
me: You've just sent me over the edge.
c: Well, if you ever receive a call late at night from me, and I don't say anything but then you hear me off in the distance say, "Will you please bare with me?" you will know that you are privy to me getting laid.
me: please. stop. I have my head down on my desk.
c: Hahaha. Let's be honest. It would be more of an incoherent, slurred, "Puhlalease ... buuurr wif meeee," cause I'd likely be on the verge of voming. Sober sex scares me ... and should be saved for marriage. Or at least after I snort a Xanax.
me: My coworker just caught me hunched over my drawer looking for an oil blotter and said, "Are you having a moment?" She handed me a piece of paper and I only realized I didn't have my glasses on (from crying) when I held the paper to my face like a legally blind person.
c: You say legally blind, I say adorably squinty.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
'Lil G
a: Yeah
, the funny thing is that I'm almost out of toilet paper and thought I needed more Pepto. So I was thinking to myself that I would be so embarrassed going to the grocery and the only things I had to check out were TP and Pepto. No question about what's going on there.
me: Maybe this is what you have. This is a picture of giardia. J says, "He's the cutest bug ever under the microscope, p.s." Taunting with his happy ghoul eyes and mouth.
a: HA. That's so creepy. Like when stingrays smile.
, the funny thing is that I'm almost out of toilet paper and thought I needed more Pepto. So I was thinking to myself that I would be so embarrassed going to the grocery and the only things I had to check out were TP and Pepto. No question about what's going on there.me: Maybe this is what you have. This is a picture of giardia. J says, "He's the cutest bug ever under the microscope, p.s." Taunting with his happy ghoul eyes and mouth.
a: HA. That's so creepy. Like when stingrays smile.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Work aaaaand then Mustache Talk
From: pk@work.com
To: me@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
Any update on this, MC Copywriter?
From: me@work.com
To: pk@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
Of course not, PK Mustachio.
Coworkers aren’t happy. Neither am I.
From: pk@work.com
To: me@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
Ok, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for an answer by Monday.
From: me@work.com
To: pk@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
I wonder what the mustache is going to look like on Monday. ::anticipation::
From: pk@work.com
To: me@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
I can’t wait.
Pretty much all of next week will be incredible.
To: me@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
Any update on this, MC Copywriter?
From: me@work.com
To: pk@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
Of course not, PK Mustachio.
Coworkers aren’t happy. Neither am I.
From: pk@work.com
To: me@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
Ok, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for an answer by Monday.
From: me@work.com
To: pk@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
I wonder what the mustache is going to look like on Monday. ::anticipation::
From: pk@work.com
To: me@work.com
Subject: Re: Printing emails
I can’t wait.
Pretty much all of next week will be incredible.
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