Typing Noises

a: Pro of waiting to buy a 2010 wall calendar until mid-February: All calendars are on sale for $1. Con of waiting until mid-February: I had to choose between the following gems:

1. Hannah Montana
2. Jonas Bros.
3. Harry Potter
4. Bichon Frises
5. Robert Pattinson
   

Can you guess which calendar is now hanging at my desk at work???

me: Doo doooo do do dooo do do do doooooo. (That was the Harry Potter theme song.)

a: Ding ding ding! I'm looking at a picture of Ron staring dreamily into space when he's in lurve with Lavender in Half-blood Prince. (You know, b/c February is the month for lovers.)

me: Do you know how long I had to hum the song in my head and decide on the number of o's to put in each dooo?

a: lolz. Like when i was trying to figure out the exact duh's and bum's for the Law & Order theme song. It's hard.

me: hahahahhaaha. Duh duh bum bum bum bum. bum. Almost forgot that last one.

a: BUM BUM BUM BUM BUH DUHHHHH

me: HAHHAHA

a: We should take this buh dum show on the road. "A and M Hum Your Favorite Theme Songs."

me: Buh dum dum. Get it?

a: I had the same joke in my head. Oh sigh, I kill me.

I Swoon for My Friends

l: Okay, go write, my love.

me: I love you.

l: Love you more. :)

me: Never possible. < 3

Succubi

From: mh@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: I'm a succubus that's trying to kill my man!

Day one of the new job yesterday was great but I worked until 11:30 - crazy times getting ready for this trip!

See below, I tried to be nice but was not on my A-game. That's my funny snafu of the day.

Love you!

From: boyfriend@email.com
To: mh@email.com
Subject: Dear

I love you much, but this morning I thought you tried to poison me. My coffee reeks of soap, and when I opened the cap, there were soap bubbles everywhere. I’m not even sure you rinsed it! With those kinds of mugs it’s better to use soap the night before so that it’s thoroughly rinsed; I almost gagged on my drive to work. It tasted like coffee-flavored cleanliness.

From: me@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: I'm a succubus that's trying to kill my man!

Oh my god. That is an amazing email.

I had to look up succubus on www.wordnik.com: noun A female demon supposed to descend upon and have sexual intercourse with a man while he sleeps.


From: mh@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: I'm a succubus that's trying to kill my man!

I took it from South Park. Clearly I butchered the meaning, but the demon part I got right.


From: ac@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: I'm a succubus that's trying to kill my man!

Side note: I've read paranormal/fantasy books where succubi are characters. Bam.


From: sb@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: I'm a succubus that's trying to kill my man!

Your bf cracks me up. By the way, husband just told me that sometimes I am too hard on him. Well, that's not how he worded it.

Husband: "You ride me like a fifth grade wedgie."
Me: "You are a fifth grade wedgie."

Drinking Timeline

me: You can tell your friend that 40 people have looked at her drawing. I can attach her email to it if she wants work referrals.

c: Hahaha, she will be so pleased!

me: I can't stop looking at it. It fucking kills me. Because you ALWAYS fall down. A la into the toilet at Town Tavern.

c: Omg, I forgot about that. And that's a testament to how much of a shit show the rest of the night was if I was able to forget about falling face first into a toilet in DC.

me: I loved that night.

c: YOU did not wake up next to naked braces. In fact, you basically sacrificed me upon that altar. "I need five minutes to be the big spoon."

me: Hahahhahahahaha, I bee-lined for the couch downstairs before he could even finish asking me if he could do that.

c: Thanks, friend.

Weather = Panic

me: Early models show snow during the day Friday with accumulations, according to M.

p: I'm really worried about this. I feel like it could drastically turn. If I get stuck at this place, someone might have to die.

Standards Are Overrated

me: An Australian bartender on the Lower East Side recommended this Brooklyn tattoo place. It is fucking amazing.

c: An Australian bartender could tell me he wanted to tattoo me with a needle from an AIDS patient, a hammer and poisoned ink and I would agree. Such is the life of me.

me: BAHHH

Go 'head and Tell'em

me: How do you put music notes in your gmail status message?

p: Google talk has a feature. Show current music track.

me: Celosa. That's jealous in Spanish.

p: Don't you have google talk?

me: No, just gmail. Are you embarrassed that I know you're listening to Soulja Boy right now?

p: Hahaha no, I just forgot to put Tell'em in iTunes. Stupid oversight.

me: I don't even know what language you're speaking right now. I only speak the language of dirty-haired, plaid-shirted, angsty indie boys.

p: His name is Soulja Boy Tell'em.

me: That is his full "artist" name? As in, "Go on and tell 'em. My name is Soulja Boy"?

p: Correct, have to include the Tell'em.

me: Hmm, well, good for him. You can "tell 'em" I said that. You like what I did there?

p: Hahaha, that was incredible.