My Kooky Chicken Nugget

m: I'll leave you with this. C (Casper) decided that he should try and get a base tan before Hawaii so he doesnt roast his skin off. So I accompanied him to Energy Tan last night, and he flirted our way into 3 sessions free for me. I am staunchly anti-tanning bed. However, I laid in that thing, it started humming, Britney was playing, and I walked out BROWN. I promise only 3 times...

me: STOP IT.

m: I'm serious. We paid $150 for a tanning package for him. $150!!!!!!

me: STOP.

m: And i ain't got no car!!!!!!

me: You two are gonna look like Wendy's chicken nuggets. Oh my god, you're killing me right now.

m: It's better than him complaining the whole time about being sunburned. HAHAHA, nuggets.

me: Ha, you know your man too well.

m: I'll be your nugget.

me: You better be.

m: Love and butter.

me: xoxoxooxox

m: Go write something famous. Love you. PS...

me: Hahha, love you more. Yes?

m: I was lifting weights when I called you. WHO AM I?

me: God, why am I not talking to you on the phone right now? You are on FIRE.

Bad Comedy & Fake Names

c: Beardo just invited me to see Ron White with him tomorrow. What is with him and HORRIBLE comedians with only one shtick?

dun dun dun DUN dun dun.

And "So this one time I was drunk and doing something white trash ..."

me: HAHAHHAHAHA I don't even know who Ron White is. But I already love this conversation.

c: Okay, I'm sure at one time you have seen the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Since Comedy Central thinks it's the bee's knees and replays it a trillion times. Well, that and Half Baked.

me: Never.

c: Consider yourself lucky. His stand-up consists of telling stories of him getting arrested, womanizing women the size of John Deere tractors, and hunting.

me: So what you're saying is you're totally interested and definitely going.

c: Ooobviously ... not. I was like "Oh yeah, umm, I sorta told my friend Lisa I'd hang out with her. Super sorry."

me: LISA. Do you even know a Lisa?! It's such a fake name.

c: Haha I do! But to make her fake name even more unbelievable ...

me: Lisa Turtle?

c: Her name is Lisa Sue Johnson.

me: LIAR. She doesn't exist. Well, if she does, then I'm hanging out with George Robert Smith tonight.

c: We should totes hook them up.

me: Match.made.in.heaven.

Blawesome

me: Blawesome!

d: Blalright!

me: This is a stupid question, but what do you think the subject line of that email should be? My name?

d: Yeah. Simple, to the point.

me: Blood idea. Gross, that didn't work.

d: HA

me: SENT! BLENT!

d: BLEAT! ... Which is, um, great, not the sound a lamb (?) makes. Do lambs bleat? Who bleats?

me: BAHAHAHHAHAHA. Bleat is officially my favorite word now.

d: Bleat the bleat! Ah, it's what a goat or sheep makes.

me: Sure, lambs. Are lambs baby sheeps? Or are they separate?

d: Or "to talk complainingly about." Lambs are baby sheep, Miss College Grad. And sheep is plural. Not "sheeps."