Daddy's Little Girl

(804): Don't ever wish for a son again. The neighbor saw me in my yoga shorts and small tank top and is currently edging the entire yard for me.

(865): Flash him and ask him to activate sprinkler system!

Memorial Day

a: I can't wait to Memorialize the weekend with you.

me: Your mouth is full of zingers just waiting to tumble out.

a: My mouth is full of something.

buh dum bump

me: That's what she said.

buh dum bump

(Insert L giggling here)

SleepMate Side Effects

From: nw@email.com
To: me@email.com
Subject: Cheque Mate

I know I texted you yesterday, but the past two days I've woken up on the first alarm ring with no snoozing ... and I really think it's because I'm more well rested due to the SleepMate. Do you have one??

I also had a dream last night about tattoos but only the design part ... I had some pretty cool designs in my head. But instead of JL tattooing us, it was a small, bald Hispanic boy with an oversized jersey. I had some weird dreams ... in one Atticus was a penguin in Waikiki.

Animals Might Have Been Harmed in the Making of This Game

From: ac@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Hamster on a piano

Hamsters are funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRzTfgds0UI


From: lb@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: Hamster on a piano

Guys, I know you probably think they are creepy little rodents, but I
have a total soft spot in my heart for hamsters.

I had two: Teddy 1 and Teddy 2. We used to play hide and seek (Teddy
1/2 in the little ball) and I would give 'em a little nudge and then
go count in a corner somewhere so they could hide. No joke, it was
really fun and I miss those little guys.

Surprise! Rick Astley is not black.

From: mh@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Obama Astley

You've probably seen this, but even so it's worth a re-watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtO2jj5IyBk

C and I have become obsessed with Rick Astley, as we expected him to be a black man with that soulful voice, and instead he is a British ginger.

PS- C is in the other room singing "Her name is Rio"... we don't listen to any music made in the last 20 years evidently.

Merkins = NSFW

p: Any response from the cuchini (www.cuchini.com)?

me: One of my friends said "Man, the cuchini is making the rounds. This is the third email I've gotten about it this week." I was bummed.

p: Oh man! That's devastating.

me: Another friend was reminded of merkins.

p: Oh well, the mons pubis is still queen.

me: Do you know of merkins? DO NOT GOOGLE.

p: Merkins? Never heard of such a thing. OKAY.

me: Pube wigs.

p: STFU. STOP IT.

me: Origin: Back in the day when whores got crabs and whatnot they had to shave their mons pubis. So they bought wigs.

p: ICE TEA ON SCREEN.

me: Now, it's a pure fashion statement. Hahahahhaha. Hearts, rainbows, skull & crossbones.

p: fadjlfhlajfha

me: I think you just "tape" them on.

p: Oh man.

me: DEFINITELY look it up when you get home. HA-larious.

p: I need to crawl under my desk. Tears.

The Good Kind of Slut

n: Guys really dick themselves over ... they go for boring, annoying girls as their girlfriends, and then are "mysteriously" intrigued by girls who are actually fun and interesting and slutty. They set themselves up to cheat. How many guys do you know that do that? Cuz I know a lot.

me: A SPILLION.

n: Why not just have a really cool girlfriend? But they get themselves a wet blanket to go home to, and then want to make out with the fun girl when they are out.

me: So wait, am I the fun slutty girl in this equation?!

n: Yes! But slutty in a good way.

me: BAHAHHAHAHAHA. God, I love you.

n: I don't mean slutty as in actually slutty. Slutty as in flirtatious and fun.

me: Got it.