City Life

me: I'M LIKE AN ADULT/CHILD
WITH SO MANY EMOTIONS

l: well, me too
so many of us in this city are
that's why we're here
a bunch of people afraid of each other's emotions

me: sooooo fragile

l: you just need to settle down and listen to the Garden State soundtrack.

My Kooky Chicken Nugget

m: I'll leave you with this. C (Casper) decided that he should try and get a base tan before Hawaii so he doesnt roast his skin off. So I accompanied him to Energy Tan last night, and he flirted our way into 3 sessions free for me. I am staunchly anti-tanning bed. However, I laid in that thing, it started humming, Britney was playing, and I walked out BROWN. I promise only 3 times...

me: STOP IT.

m: I'm serious. We paid $150 for a tanning package for him. $150!!!!!!

me: STOP.

m: And i ain't got no car!!!!!!

me: You two are gonna look like Wendy's chicken nuggets. Oh my god, you're killing me right now.

m: It's better than him complaining the whole time about being sunburned. HAHAHA, nuggets.

me: Ha, you know your man too well.

m: I'll be your nugget.

me: You better be.

m: Love and butter.

me: xoxoxooxox

m: Go write something famous. Love you. PS...

me: Hahha, love you more. Yes?

m: I was lifting weights when I called you. WHO AM I?

me: God, why am I not talking to you on the phone right now? You are on FIRE.

Bad Comedy & Fake Names

c: Beardo just invited me to see Ron White with him tomorrow. What is with him and HORRIBLE comedians with only one shtick?

dun dun dun DUN dun dun.

And "So this one time I was drunk and doing something white trash ..."

me: HAHAHHAHAHA I don't even know who Ron White is. But I already love this conversation.

c: Okay, I'm sure at one time you have seen the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Since Comedy Central thinks it's the bee's knees and replays it a trillion times. Well, that and Half Baked.

me: Never.

c: Consider yourself lucky. His stand-up consists of telling stories of him getting arrested, womanizing women the size of John Deere tractors, and hunting.

me: So what you're saying is you're totally interested and definitely going.

c: Ooobviously ... not. I was like "Oh yeah, umm, I sorta told my friend Lisa I'd hang out with her. Super sorry."

me: LISA. Do you even know a Lisa?! It's such a fake name.

c: Haha I do! But to make her fake name even more unbelievable ...

me: Lisa Turtle?

c: Her name is Lisa Sue Johnson.

me: LIAR. She doesn't exist. Well, if she does, then I'm hanging out with George Robert Smith tonight.

c: We should totes hook them up.

me: Match.made.in.heaven.

Blawesome

me: Blawesome!

d: Blalright!

me: This is a stupid question, but what do you think the subject line of that email should be? My name?

d: Yeah. Simple, to the point.

me: Blood idea. Gross, that didn't work.

d: HA

me: SENT! BLENT!

d: BLEAT! ... Which is, um, great, not the sound a lamb (?) makes. Do lambs bleat? Who bleats?

me: BAHAHAHHAHAHA. Bleat is officially my favorite word now.

d: Bleat the bleat! Ah, it's what a goat or sheep makes.

me: Sure, lambs. Are lambs baby sheeps? Or are they separate?

d: Or "to talk complainingly about." Lambs are baby sheep, Miss College Grad. And sheep is plural. Not "sheeps."

How Did She Marry Ryan Adams?

c: The song that Mandy Moore sings in that movie where she dies from cancer but only after landing the tough bad boy in high school just came on my Pandora station. I tip my hat to you, Pandora.

me: Fucking amazing. AND HE PLANTS TULIPS OUTSIDE HER WINDOW TO SPROUT BEFORE SHE DIES?! Or is that another movie?

c: Haha, NOPE, thats the one. And he built her a telescope. The song is "Only Hope" if you wanted to YouTube it. I suggest you do.

me: Yesssss

c: OMG, the guy from the movie talks at the end of the song. This is fucking awesome.

It Shouldn't Smell Like That

a: Omg. I am STILL in this coffee shop on my 3rd mug of joe.

me: Oh jesus! You're gonna explode with hyperactivity or crap your pants. Or that's what I would do.

a: I know. And I don't want to get up and go to the bathroom because all my shit's on the table

me: I am soooo bad about that stuff and will have to change my ways.

a: I'm a little gun shy considering I've lost 2 electronics so far this year. L will tan your hide for that.

me: L is going to tan my hide for a lot, methinks.

a: Omg, it just started smelling like dog diarrhea in here. Might be time to move on.

me: OH JESUS. lolz.

No, I Don't Watch Seinfeld

c: So I just tried canceling my date with Beardo. And he was going to suprise me with tickets to see Jerry Seinfeld tonight.

me: DO NOT CANCEL.

c: Haha, whoaaaa. Why?

me: Because Jerry Seinfeld is so lame that it will be the most hilarious date ever and then we can giggle about it.

c: Omg, I thought I was the only one who hates Seinfeld! Everyone's judging me.

me: I LOATHE him.

c: Omg, that's why we are friends.

me: Everyone is always like, "I can't believe you don't watch Seinfeld! I thought that was completely up your alley!" And then I never want to speak to that person again.

c: I HATE SEINFELD. I think Elaine is the most obnoxious person ever.

me: Hahahahhahah, our anger is boiling over. In regard to Jerry fucking Seinfeld.

c: Jerry is creepy. And George is a pedophile.

me: And Jerry's intonation when he talks: duh duh DUH duh duh. duh DUH.

c: He told me he got the tickets in anticipation of me being like, "OMFG balasuidnvaiesr thank you can I have your babies?" But really i was like,"Oh ... that's special."

me: Balasuidnvaiesr = new favorite word.

c: I sort of liked this guy. Now that I know his true colors (Seinfeld), it'll never work.

me: Well, some people I like enjoy Seinfeld and I just have to learn to get past it.

c: Like I said yesterday ... you are more giving with your love.

me: You are the only person in the world to classify me as that instead of a black-hearted bitch. Well, probably my mom would say that about me.

c: Birds of a feather flock together, my pet.