Shitty

From: sb@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Shitzu

No sooner do we arrive home last night when I get saddled with a lost Shitzu in my neighborhood (who C has affectionately, albeit uncreatively, dubbed "Shitty"). My stepmom found him wandering in the neighborhood so she opened the car door and called to him to get him out of the road. Well, Shitty hopped right into her car. After trying unsuccessfully to find Shitty's parents, I hung signs at 11pm in the neighborhood and brought Shitty home to the our residence. What should I do with a male Shitzu who responds to Shitty and wears a knock-off Burberry collar? I am getting ready to call Animal Control to see if anyone has reported a lost dog.


From: ac@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: Shitzu

You do what any normal person would do. You buy him a tiny tuxedo and have Olan Mills posed portraits made of him, which you promptly hang throughout your home. Then you keep him and love Shitty like your own.


From: sb@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: Shitzu

I just choked on my Tropical Cafe Smoothie. He would look damn handsome in a mini tux.


From: nw@email.com
To: thegirls@email.com
Subject: Re: Shitzu

I fucking hate Shitzus. Just the other day, I watched an episode of Dogs 101 that my mom had recorded that featured Shitzus, thinking it might make me like them more. But I don't; they're ugly and have goopy eyes.