n: Guys really dick themselves over ... they go for boring, annoying girls as their girlfriends, and then are "mysteriously" intrigued by girls who are actually fun and interesting and slutty. They set themselves up to cheat. How many guys do you know that do that? Cuz I know a lot.
me: A SPILLION.
n: Why not just have a really cool girlfriend? But they get themselves a wet blanket to go home to, and then want to make out with the fun girl when they are out.
me: So wait, am I the fun slutty girl in this equation?!
n: Yes! But slutty in a good way.
me: BAHAHHAHAHAHA. God, I love you.
n: I don't mean slutty as in actually slutty. Slutty as in flirtatious and fun.
me: Got it.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tattoos and Poos
me: So ... how bad did it hurt?!
r: Not gonna lie, it didn't feel good. But it wasn't all that bad. Well worth it.
me: Me likey. And it's funny that you got your first b/c I'm preeeety sure I'm getting my first in SF over Memorial Day weekend.
r: Oh really?
me: But i want it on the side of my ribs. So I'm petrified. My hard-as-nails friend said "I cried, screamed, felt like there was a cheese grater on my skin and then had explosive diarrhea," regarding her rib tat ... which is hilarious and awful at the same time.
r: Haha. Yea, I've heard that the ribs hurt ALOT. That's what my friend told me last night.
me: What if I freak out and have a panic attack and poo the table and pass out and vomit in my sleep and choke?
r: Then i just hope it ends up on YouTube.
me: I'm so serious though! My stomach liquefies when I'm traumatized.
r: Dear god.
r: Not gonna lie, it didn't feel good. But it wasn't all that bad. Well worth it.
me: Me likey. And it's funny that you got your first b/c I'm preeeety sure I'm getting my first in SF over Memorial Day weekend.
r: Oh really?
me: But i want it on the side of my ribs. So I'm petrified. My hard-as-nails friend said "I cried, screamed, felt like there was a cheese grater on my skin and then had explosive diarrhea," regarding her rib tat ... which is hilarious and awful at the same time.
r: Haha. Yea, I've heard that the ribs hurt ALOT. That's what my friend told me last night.
me: What if I freak out and have a panic attack and poo the table and pass out and vomit in my sleep and choke?
r: Then i just hope it ends up on YouTube.
me: I'm so serious though! My stomach liquefies when I'm traumatized.
r: Dear god.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Crocs Can End a Friendship
n: Ooooh you are cruisin for a bruisin.
me: Hahahahahahaha.
n: Why must you taunt me?
me: No more invasive fictional accounts of YOUR life will be written!! J/k. You're half my material. I just referenced "my material."
n: Oh no, I'm not upset by your material ... just the shoes.
me: I know, I know. I was trying to threaten you into liking them.
n: Never!! Like I can't even tell you how much it upset me that you got them. I felt personally insulted.
me: But the problem here is I really do like them.
n: Oh my god. We just need to stop talking about it.
me: PLEASE DON'T BE SO UPSET!
n: It's as if you took satan's cloven hooves and put them on your feet and now you think it's normal. I HATE THEM.
me: I can't help it.
n: Well, just don't wear them or mention them around me. They are the sign of all that is evil. You may as well start going to church and popping out babies, because that's what's next.
me: Church? In sooth, N. You know you can trust me with some things.
n: I thought I could.
me: THIS MUST STOP.
n: Ok, let's just not talking about them.
me: k
n: That wasn't english.
me: I liked it. It was like my beatboxing boyfriend.
n: I got too worked up and then couldn't think straight.
me: Hahahahahahaha.
n: Why must you taunt me?
me: No more invasive fictional accounts of YOUR life will be written!! J/k. You're half my material. I just referenced "my material."
n: Oh no, I'm not upset by your material ... just the shoes.
me: I know, I know. I was trying to threaten you into liking them.
n: Never!! Like I can't even tell you how much it upset me that you got them. I felt personally insulted.
me: But the problem here is I really do like them.
n: Oh my god. We just need to stop talking about it.
me: PLEASE DON'T BE SO UPSET!
n: It's as if you took satan's cloven hooves and put them on your feet and now you think it's normal. I HATE THEM.
me: I can't help it.
n: Well, just don't wear them or mention them around me. They are the sign of all that is evil. You may as well start going to church and popping out babies, because that's what's next.
me: Church? In sooth, N. You know you can trust me with some things.
n: I thought I could.
me: THIS MUST STOP.
n: Ok, let's just not talking about them.
me: k
n: That wasn't english.
me: I liked it. It was like my beatboxing boyfriend.
n: I got too worked up and then couldn't think straight.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Caffeine, Dog-Unicorns and Homeowning Handymen
n: I truly don't understand why you drink so much caffeine.
me: Because I love it.
n: I have never met anyone besides your parents, and maybe some members of the gay community, that up themselves that much.
me: It's not the caffeine specifically. I just love the products that have it in it.
n: So get decaf!
me: It's not as good!
n: You are crazy.
me: I got your crazy.
n: It's a fair trade-off ... slightly different taste for a lifetime of possibly not giving yourself caffeine sweats and panic attacks.
me: I've always been level headed like that.
me: Because I love it.
n: I have never met anyone besides your parents, and maybe some members of the gay community, that up themselves that much.
me: It's not the caffeine specifically. I just love the products that have it in it.
n: So get decaf!
me: It's not as good!
n: You are crazy.
me: I got your crazy.
n: It's a fair trade-off ... slightly different taste for a lifetime of possibly not giving yourself caffeine sweats and panic attacks.
me: I've always been level headed like that.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Drink Your Wizard Staff
From: ac@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Wizard Staff
You guys may be way ahead of me on this one, but just this week I found out about a drinking game called “Wizard Staff." After learning the rules, I’m DYING to play. Okay, okay. I confess. I didn’t even have to hear the rules — I was sold immediately after hearing the title.
In a nutshell, you are encouraged to dress up in wizard capes and/or other wizardly gear. You start by drinking a can of beer. Once that is done, you duct tape the next full can of beer to the empty one you just finished. After that is done, you tape the next one on top and so on. So you’re building up your Wizard’s Staff of cans. At a pre-determined wizard level (i.e. how many cans you have in your staff), you have to take a shot to progress to the next Wizard level.
You’re a Dark Wizard for a while. Then after passing some level you become a White Wizard, a la Gandalf. This is the best part — you battle other Wizards with your staff (American Gladiator style) and the Wizard with the staff that doesn’t fall apart first, wins.
How AMAZING does this sound? Hilarity can ensue at many points:
Again, I CAN’T wait to play. And yes, maybe I should still be in college.
Who's in?
http://www.collegetips.com/college-parties/wisest-wizard-staff.php
From: me@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Re: Wizard Staff
That is HANDS down the best drinking game I have EVER heard of. I cannot wait for our reunion. I won't win b/c I'll be too busy peeing my pants to drink enough beer for a wise wizard staff. (Can we call it a wand instead?)
From: nw@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Re: Wizard Staff
No, no. A wand is for Harry Potter ... the staff is for a higher level wizard like Gandalf the Grey.
From ac@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Re: Wizard Staff
Thanks for stepping in to handle that one, N.
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Wizard Staff
You guys may be way ahead of me on this one, but just this week I found out about a drinking game called “Wizard Staff." After learning the rules, I’m DYING to play. Okay, okay. I confess. I didn’t even have to hear the rules — I was sold immediately after hearing the title.
In a nutshell, you are encouraged to dress up in wizard capes and/or other wizardly gear. You start by drinking a can of beer. Once that is done, you duct tape the next full can of beer to the empty one you just finished. After that is done, you tape the next one on top and so on. So you’re building up your Wizard’s Staff of cans. At a pre-determined wizard level (i.e. how many cans you have in your staff), you have to take a shot to progress to the next Wizard level.
You’re a Dark Wizard for a while. Then after passing some level you become a White Wizard, a la Gandalf. This is the best part — you battle other Wizards with your staff (American Gladiator style) and the Wizard with the staff that doesn’t fall apart first, wins.
How AMAZING does this sound? Hilarity can ensue at many points:
- (A) Showing up to the game wearing wizard clothes.
- (B) Trying to position then consume your full beer that’s duct taped to an enormous stack of cans.
- (C) Drunkenly battling another “Wizard” with your staff.
Again, I CAN’T wait to play. And yes, maybe I should still be in college.
Who's in?
http://www.collegetips.com/
From: me@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Re: Wizard Staff
That is HANDS down the best drinking game I have EVER heard of. I cannot wait for our reunion. I won't win b/c I'll be too busy peeing my pants to drink enough beer for a wise wizard staff. (Can we call it a wand instead?)
From: nw@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Re: Wizard Staff
No, no. A wand is for Harry Potter ... the staff is for a higher level wizard like Gandalf the Grey.
From ac@mail.com
To: thegirls@mail.com
Subject: Re: Wizard Staff
Thanks for stepping in to handle that one, N.
"I have PMS ... Propose to Me"
m: Last night I was a PMS raging bitch. He finally asked me to just go to sleep since I was such a grumpy 4-year-old. And I did. And today, not a bitch.
me: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA! He puts you in your place! I love it!
m: I get like little W when I’m tired. I was going through a checklist, "Have you ... have you ..." and my insane PMS mind thought that the reason he was seeming out of it at work and not on email was because he had a "secret surprise for me"- I’m INSANE!
me: Hahahahahhaha, I think our minds are much more similar than we realize!
m: I cried in the shower over the “secret surprise.”
me: You stop it.
m: Of course we all know what “secret surprise” means. Oh yeah, he had to open the shower curtain, the dog sticking his snout in, and tell me it was ridiculous.
me: This just keeps getting better. Wait, what does "secret surprise" mean?
m: proposal! Imagine his disgust at me thinking him being down at work was in fact a ploy to throw me off his scent.
me: OH MY GOD, I just realized that. You cried in the shower b/c he didn't propose to your bratty PMS ass. I'm sorry I'm laughing so hard. We truly are lunatics. I love being crazy.
m: It’s true. I cried in the shower because it wasn’t enough to know that he will marry me one day and I have my dream job on the horizon. Nope- lets cry about what I don’t have!
me: We are masters of solidifying the stereotype of women. We must keep up the hard work.
me: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA! He puts you in your place! I love it!
m: I get like little W when I’m tired. I was going through a checklist, "Have you ... have you ..." and my insane PMS mind thought that the reason he was seeming out of it at work and not on email was because he had a "secret surprise for me"- I’m INSANE!
me: Hahahahahhaha, I think our minds are much more similar than we realize!
m: I cried in the shower over the “secret surprise.”
me: You stop it.
m: Of course we all know what “secret surprise” means. Oh yeah, he had to open the shower curtain, the dog sticking his snout in, and tell me it was ridiculous.
me: This just keeps getting better. Wait, what does "secret surprise" mean?
m: proposal! Imagine his disgust at me thinking him being down at work was in fact a ploy to throw me off his scent.
me: OH MY GOD, I just realized that. You cried in the shower b/c he didn't propose to your bratty PMS ass. I'm sorry I'm laughing so hard. We truly are lunatics. I love being crazy.
m: It’s true. I cried in the shower because it wasn’t enough to know that he will marry me one day and I have my dream job on the horizon. Nope- lets cry about what I don’t have!
me: We are masters of solidifying the stereotype of women. We must keep up the hard work.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Make Me a Tango Vest
From: n@mail.com
To: m@mail.com
Subject: wtf?
Just thought you should know that I'm doing fabric shopping right now that is completely ridiculous. One of my clients called and he sounds like Mr. Magoo. Apparently in addition to being an interior designer, he also plays the piano.
He's performing an Argentinean Tango song, and wants to make a vest to wear for the recital. So he called me to ask if I can find a fabric for him that evokes the same feeling as the tango. He says, traditionally the men wear all black but he doesn't want that, he wants something with more flair.
Honestly, this is my job ... ridic.
To: m@mail.com
Subject: wtf?
Just thought you should know that I'm doing fabric shopping right now that is completely ridiculous. One of my clients called and he sounds like Mr. Magoo. Apparently in addition to being an interior designer, he also plays the piano.
He's performing an Argentinean Tango song, and wants to make a vest to wear for the recital. So he called me to ask if I can find a fabric for him that evokes the same feeling as the tango. He says, traditionally the men wear all black but he doesn't want that, he wants something with more flair.
Honestly, this is my job ... ridic.
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