Crocs Can End a Friendship

n: Ooooh you are cruisin for a bruisin.

me: Hahahahahahaha.

n: Why must you taunt me?

me: No more invasive fictional accounts of YOUR life will be written!! J/k. You're half my material. I just referenced "my material."

n: Oh no, I'm not upset by your material ... just the shoes.

me: I know, I know. I was trying to threaten you into liking them.

n: Never!! Like I can't even tell you how much it upset me that you got them. I felt personally insulted.

me: But the problem here is I really do like them.

n: Oh my god. We just need to stop talking about it.

me: PLEASE DON'T BE SO UPSET!

n: It's as if you took satan's cloven hooves and put them on your feet and now you think it's normal. I HATE THEM.

me: I can't help it.

n: Well, just don't wear them or mention them around me. They are the sign of all that is evil. You may as well start going to church and popping out babies, because that's what's next.

me: Church? In sooth, N. You know you can trust me with some things.

n: I thought I could.

me: THIS MUST STOP.

n: Ok, let's just not talking about them.

me: k

n: That wasn't english.

me: I liked it. It was like my beatboxing boyfriend.

n: I got too worked up and then couldn't think straight.