29 Hours in a Box

c: Still bored? Got you something: http://www.2birds1blog.com/2008/09/trapped-in-box-for-29-hours.html

me: Would you rather spend 29 hours trapped in a box with Tyra Banks or Linsday Lohan?

c: LL because Tyra wouldnt stop smiling at me with her eyes ... and LL would likely be passed out from whatever giny-bumping drug binge she just got off of.

me: giny-bumping?!?!??! Foul.

c: Too much?

me: hahahahahaha

c: Would you rather be stuck in a box for 29 hours with Paula Abdul or Gwenyth Paltrow (goop)?

me: The addition of (goop) was priceless. Man, this one is hard. Because neither of them have any idea how out-of-touch with reality they are. I think I'd have to go with Gwyneth Paltrow because she is more delusional in the style of Luna Lovegood from HP. Paula is delusional like she got raped by her dad and hasn't dealt with it yet. And, yeah, she'd probably bring drugs, but I have enough of my own Xanax to tune her out.

c: I'd take Abdrool. If only to spend the majority of the 29 hours attempting to decipher what she said. That and she reminds me of my mom.

me: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

c: Gweny is just a goopy twat.

me: Okay, okay, I think this is a good one: Richard Simmons or Andy Dick.

c: Oh jesus, touche. Andy Dick. And honestly the SOLE reason is that Richard Simmons partially-bald-white-man afro gives me the general heeby jeebys and Andy Dick is not allowed to touch me, as per the rules, so I'd be safe.

Okay, I gots one for you: XXXXXX or Hitler.

me: S's FRIEND XXXXXX?!?!?!?

c: Yes.

me: BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hitler because at least I could learn something about such a bizarre historical figure. XXXXXX, nothing but annoyed for 29 hours.

c: And that box may fill with tears. Ergo death, drown in tears.

me: God, that really would be my own personal hell. Okay, okay, let met think again. Rosie O'Donnell or Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

c: Easy ... Rosie. Although, if she started spouting off her fucking poetry I might die, like head exploding from shoulders.

me: She might. It's a real possibility.

c: Meh, okay. Then I change my mind. Elizabeth ... I disagree with absolutely everything she stands for.

me: Me too.

c: But she's so fucking stupid that I'd just wear sparkly earrings or something and she would be mesmerized into a quiet stupor for 29 hours.

me: VERY good call.

c: Okay, lemme think ... Chris Brown or Mike Vick.

me: So hard!

Chris Brown. I would be interested to hear him blather on about why he didn't mean it and listen to his attempt to rationalize what he did and how he's going to fix his pathetic career. Vick is already back in the game and allegedly working with animal rescue groups now.

c: I would choose Chris too ... only to ask him to explain to me why ... then I would break into the chorus of UMBRELLA-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh for 29 hours straight.

me: HA. Taylor Lautner or Shia LeBouf.

c: Oh. Well, per the rules, you cannot have sexual relations with this person in the box or afterward ... and you can never see them again ... so i will have to choose Taylor for a few reasons:

1. He's a child, so hopefully the knowledge that I would go to jail would make the non-sexing easier.
2. That way my delusion that Shia and I will one day meet and fall in love and do it can stay alive and intact (insert me slitting wrists when he announces his engagement to Ms. WhatsHerNameNotGoodEnoughActress).
   

me: These are all well thought out answers, C.

c: It's think of this ... or think of work. This wins. Lady GaGa or Obama.

me: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE?

c: It's a part of the game, madame. See what you just put me through?

me: Holy shit, I am so torn. The part that you can never see them again makes it difficult. My instinct is to say Lady Gaga. What are the chances I would get to hang out with her unless we were quarantined in a box together for 29 hours anyway? But! I fear that she would lose her mystical power over me.

Actually, no, I don't think it would go away. I think she would stay in character the entire time and entertain me for 29 straight hours.

c: You might break her ... then she'd just be a big-nosed normal girl. Career killer.

me: Obama would have smart things to say that I wouldn't understand. I can worship him from afar and google things he talks about that I don't understand. In person, my lack of knowledge would be so obvious.

Lady Gaga, I officially choose Lady Gaga.