Old Man Tugboat

c: Actual interaction I just had:

Random Goatee'd Fellow: Are you married?
Me: No.
RGF: Oh ...
Me: [Raise one eyebrow, look back to my blog, wishing to not be bothered anymore.]
RGF: Do you mind if I ask why?

me: BAHAHAHHA

c: [Enter Leo, a.k.a. Tugboat who farts all over the office]
"Come on back to the conference room."
I will be baffled for the rest of the day.

me: You have a coworker ... named Leo ... called Tugboat ... who farts all over your office. Give me one good reason why I didn't already know this.

c: Oh, I have NO idea. SOOO ... there's this tenant in the back of the office. He rents a back room.

He is approx 87.5 years old.

He is a "lawyer" who writes up wills.

His office is decorated with cross-stitched landscapes of the country.
Family reunion photos.

And pieces of what I can only assume to be driftwood, that has been lacquered and set with clocks.

He also has a 6-year-old adopted Indian child.

ANYWHO ... so he is an annoyance to everyone in the office because he talks extremely loud on his phone (early onset old man deaf syndrome, I presume) and hacks up phlegm that has presumably rested in his chest since 1964.

He wears old man khakis everyday, with a short sleeve flannel shirt, coloring differs day to day, and a clip on tie with white, Walmart brand kicks.

Shoelaces ... never tied.

His clients always smell, and always insist on talking to me.

So he tugboats up and down the hallways, farting per step.

Audibly.

Not once in awhile ... every time.

But he gives me $100 in a Christmas card every Christmas ... so I fake a smile, hold my breath and wait for Dec 23rd.

me: I just walked back to my desk to find I have just received the greatest gchat in the history of mankind. Yes, from you.

c: Well, October 27th, I knew it was a big day.